Merry Christmas

One particular night my beautiful lady friend Renae asked me to go out dancing with her and I was so down. So I danced and no boys danced with me and so I left.  Who's going to stay at a dance when no boys are hitting this up? when I have sexy lover waiting in my apartment?

Like, I mean c'mon. I'm a sexy beast.

Anywho, I came home and no one else was home.  So I put my hair up and started to wash my makeup off. I was scrubbing my face down with my rough towel and then I had that tight feeling in my bladder.  It was like "ooh great I have to pee" so I did what any other sane person does when they have to use the restroom. I undid my pants.

I had finished. But let's face it. I'm a lazy woman.  Just straight up I put everything off. Procrastination to the point where I didn't hook my belt and rebutton my pants. What's the point? I'm at home.

...then a horrifying knock on the door.

I thought, "okay, just look through the peep hole" I figured that it was just a room mate that had forgotten to bring their key with.

So.. I look. And there's a dozen people, half girls, half boys. Boys.
They had their backs turned, and I couldn't tell who anyone was.  "Haha," I thought. "I had just misheard the knock on our door for someone else's apartment. They're facing 2211" and I started to walk away.

Then a phrase that made the angels in heaven cry for me: "we see your shadow through the crack in the door, open up!"

So I thought... "Well, maybe it's Jessica and a bunch of her friends, there was a girl with straight brown hair.." and I open the door.

Ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom, Christmas carols are being sung to me. My face makeup-less, red and splotchy from my rough towel.  Hair up.  Pants undone. 

I suavely and without drawing attention started to awkwardly button my pants and put my belt on in the shadows of the hall in my apartment in front of these boys and singing girls. To no avail. 

God bless us, everyone. Merry Christmas.