Swinging and Clinging

For all those who know me, or have read previous posts, they are well aware that my dancing is in a league of its own- so good, so awkward, so Sadie: however you describe it, it's something special.  My one main problem with dancing is the fact that I cannot follow choreography.  My slow reaction to figuring out what is left and what is right could be the source of this problem, but mostly I just can't figure out how to make my body look graceful.

Tonight, Julie and I went on a double date with a couple guys in our ward.  Where did we go? BYU Swing Dance Club.  My inability to learn new dance moves is incredibly inhibitory, but I decided to put myself out there and try it.  Luckily, my date was my good friend Evan, who is just as incapable with learning new dance moves as I am.  As the night went on, I felt like Evan and I were starting to get the hang of it.  We were going fast, were in sync with each other, and he could even spin me. Success.  In my mind I felt like we looked dang good:

How I think we looked swing dancing

How we really looked swing dancing

Sadly, I knew the limits of my dancing abilities, and my perception of how things were going was far from reality.

After a couple songs, Julie and I switched partners.  Julie's date, is known as "the Man".  He's smooth, dates a lot, and is just an all around cool guy.  Not to mention he is also Elder's Quorum President.  I had only formally met The Man once, and both of us had forgotten, so really we were just meeting now. 

The Man is a good dancer.  He was trying to play it cool saying that he wasn't good and hadn't really done this before, but I knew better.  I was positive this was not his first rodeo.  I tried to follow, but ended up being so lost on anything except a simple spin in and spin out.  

The Man was determined to teach me new moves.  Wrong move on his part.  The Man's favorite move includes spinning the girl behind him with one hand and reaching his other hand back for her to grab behind both of their backs.  He didn't explain this concept beforehand, leaving me trying to follow his confusing lead.  As The Man spun me backwards and extended his hand near his waist behind his back, I blindly reached and grabbed for his hand.  Only I DIDN'T GRAB HIS HAND.  In my confusion, I hadn't reached far enough, and I GRABBED HIS TUSH.  I had gotten my hands on the butt that belongs to a man, for all intensive purposes, I had only met 45 minutes ago.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think I just won the award for Awkward-Dancing-Creeper.  I would like to thank my parents, my friends, and most importantly my Dancing Skills (or lack thereof).

Needless to say, The Man and I didn't dance any more songs together...

--Sadie

Well, I thought I took my birth control ...

So... I'm pregnant.  Or rather, was pregnant ... I suppose.
My baby, conception and birth on Sunday, was rather painful.
I finally understand a mother's love.

I have this friggin' weird problem. Don't laugh. Kay? Kay.
I don't pass gas.
I don't know why, 
I don't know how,
But I'mma thinkin' that there's a-somethin' wrong with my intestinal tract here.

Well anywho, most animal products produce gas, am I right? Or am I right? 
So because of this I live a pescatarian life-style, almost vegan. 

BUT SADIE'S MOTHER MADE US THE MOST DELICIOUS MEATY BUTTERY ANIMAL-PRODUCT-INFESTED FOOD ON EARTH. 

Oh my goody-goodness. Can you really pass that up? So I ate three servings of roast beef and mashed potatoes.

And then I ate 4 servings of ice cream and ....
2 of cake. 

Then after dessert, I could feel myself bloating to the size of a blimp. No, literally. A blimp.
I turned to Annalee on my left,

"I ate too much, I feel sick. My stomach hurts"

A look of "Oh Lizzy" was returned.

I started to feel myself expand even larger. My stomach was bubbling like champagne. It was like a horror scene from CHARLIE AND THE FREAKING CHOCOLATE FACTORY.

Yes, I was that berry chick. But instead of delicious berry juice, I was filled with ... red meat gas.

.... 

I'm not even exaggerating. 

I submitted to my abdomen, posture racked like a woman with child. I even started to rub at the belly.

I attempted to act like a normal human being after dessert. Then we stood up... I kind of clamored up, and everyone saw it.

My belly looked like a 5 month old fetus was kickin' about. 

Sadie exclaimed "I think I'm gonna pee!"
Cassidy started to rub at the belly.
Annalee couldn't even look at me without cracking some sort of guffaw.
Julie told me I actually looked pregnant.

At first, I was like: HALLELUJAH SWEET MANNA  

Then I was like:  Sweet Mother of Pearl, What have I done. 

Word of warning: Don't let this happen to you. 

Sincerely and seriously yours, 

Elizabeth Sakura Gunn.

Caliente: A Cautionary Tale

I've taken spanish since first grade. I'd like to think that if I was stranded in a spanish speaking country, I would have the wits enough to have small talk, explain the situation roughly ,and get to a  teléfono. Taking University Spanish in college, I 've discovered that my accent is quite terrible. It only increases when I have to address the class, and especially degenerates during oral exams. Strangely enough, I've found that it's only semi-pasable when I pray in class. It's probably due to my brief, but utterly heartfelt, desperate prayer: Padre del Cielo, Ayúdame.

Anyways, I was feeling fairely confident for my oral exam today after I watched 5 hours of La Fea Mas Bella (Spanish version of Ugly Betty) this past weekend. I sat on the bench in the crowded hall with my amigas, reading the prompt with a smile: You recently met the prefect match for your friend. Describe the physical and personality traits of the person to them, and encourage them to go on a date with them.

As the exam wore on, the stoic expressions of my teacher and his creepy cat tie made my smile falter.

Listening while my friend described my ideal man, I gathered courage from my many hours of spanish televsion, and attempted to make it more of a conversation.

"...él tiene el cuerpo del gimnasio," She took a deep breath, getting ready to go on to personality when I interrupted.

"Caliente!" I said enthusaistically, embarrassingly drawing it out in a suggestive tone. My teacher flinched and groaned, and a cute boy leaning in the hall choked. A terrible feeling pooled in my stomache. How many times had I pronouced caliente? I knew that word since first grade. It's one of the few which are satisfying for me to say. I pushed the disapointment aside as I stumbled through my own descriptions, even succeeding in getting my teacher to laugh.

At the end of our exam, he told the two other chicas his light crtique on their grammar and such, before turing to me. Surprisngly, he had little to correct. Then, he sighed and started blushing. I felt decidedly uncomfortable with his reddened cheeks.

"And, caliente does not mean what you think it means. Don't ever use that as a description for anyone, "He actually squrimed. My other two friends laughed. I didn't, not understanding why.

The cute boy spoke up, grining at me amusedly, "It means something verrryy different", he laughed again, "Next time use guapo or bonito." I blushed, smothered the strange urge to call him guapo or bonito, and thanked him for the advice. He nodded, and laughed again.

My teacher grinned at us awkwardly as we walked back into the classroom. Once inside, both girls released great peals of laughter. Embarrassed and faintly annoyed, I asked them what caliente meant in that context.

"It means," she paused, taking another steading breath, "...loose," she finished in delicate BYU reply. The other girl roared again, nodding her head furiously. I flushed and winced.

"So after you said that he had a gym body, I basically exclaimed: Promiscious!"

I took their shocked guffaws as confirmation.

Moral(s) of The Story

Word meanings change depending on the context.

Refer to attractive people as: guapo, bonito, attractivo, suavo.

Spanish Televion does not translate directly into fluent, BYU appropirate spanish vocabulary.

You know its bad when the teacher blushes.

-Annalee

Behind Closed Doors: Bare Boys For Breakfast

Upon realizing we knew so little boys in our ward, we decided this semester to enact "Boys for Breakfast" every Sunday this semester. So today we trudged over to the boy's apartments, wholly unsuspecting of the treat waiting for us.

We knocked on the door.

And waited.

Laughing slightly, we all called out , "Hellooo!" and in reply, the door slowly opened several inches with no one seemingly behind it.

Then, a tousled head of brown hair gradually came into view. Following slowly, was a rueful grin....and a naked bare shoulder and glimpse of unclothed chest.

We stood there in silence, unsure if we should avert our gaze or continue staring. After a few seconds, we all started giggling. High pitched, nervous giggling. Thankfully, Sadie got it under control and managed to invite him and his roommates for breakfast.

I could barely look at him. Having grown up with brothers and been on a swim team for years, I've grown accustomed to the ease which boys parade about shirtless. But his strange twisted posture, and hints of his state of dress (or lack thereof) forced the idea of him being more than shirtless.

We didn't even make it out of the lobby before laughing hysterically. Poor kid.

Breakfast will be interesting.

Moral(s) of The Story 

Make sure you are properly dressed before answering the door. 

The idea of people in their underwear is not a confidence inspiring image. 

Giggling is freeing. 

-ANNALEE 

*Kudos to SARAH MUMFORD for the title.

Screw It.

Thanks for fixing the light, Maintenance Man.  You forgot something....

--Sadie

Typical Sunday Scene

Attractive and amazing home teachers come, they leave, Sadie realizes her fly has been down all day.

Acca-awkward.

--Sadie

Falling For You

Three cheers for being the first post of the new semester!

After many days sliding on ice here in Utah Valley, today the roads and sidewalks finally cleared up.  I had a clean record: no slips or falls for the whole winter season (please notice my past tense here...)

I had no desire to get dressed yesterday, as it was Saturday and I sort of had intentions to make it to the gym, so I put on my stretchy pants.  The roomies and I needed to make a quick run to the Creamery, so I slipped on some casual shoes and went out the door.  We needed to cross the street, but there was a car at an awkward distance away- we had two choices: run across, or stay back and wait.  I decided to run.  Unbeknownst to me, my roomies decided to stay back.  I bolted across the street in front of the oncoming car and slipped in a puddle of rain.  I went crashing down and ended up in the middle of the road in fetal position.  Unharmed but wet, I popped up, jumped to the sidewalk, and almost fell down again from laughing so hard at what had just happened.  The driver of the car, who clearly saw everything, stopped, rolled down the window, and embarrassingly asked if I was okay and if I wanted a ride.  My roomies and I could not stop laughing the whole time to the grocery store.

After arriving at the Creamery and collecting all my groceries, I stood in line with my arms full of tortillas. "Got enough tortillas there?" Yes, thank you weird stranger for noticing my affinity for burritos... I thought to myself.  I nodded, smiled, and mumbled something to the guy standing behind me in line and then turned back around.  15 seconds later: "What are you making?" "It's cold here." "I don't need a jacket, but I'm from California" "The rain is messing up my hair" "Can you trade me a twenty for a ten?" "I'm not a BYU student, I just followed a girl here, but it didn't work out..."

Wait, was this guy really hitting on me in line at the BYU Creamery?  Yes. Yes, he was.  After this interesting encounter, Annalee realized why California boy wanted a little bit of Utah Sadie (well, aside from my charm and good looks): The stretchy pants.  My booty is by far my best (and biggest) asset, plus, who can resist a tush as perky as mine?  So I apologize, California boy, that you had to stand in line right behind The Behind.

--Sadie